I grew up as the third of four children in a middle class family in State College, Pennsylvania. Sounds pretty normal right? But everything changes when you factor in the fourth child of the Roberts clan: Tanya.
My little sister Tanya was diagnosed with Down Syndrome when she was born (since at the time it was impossible to test fetuses for the mental disorder). I was only two years old when she was born, so of course I cannot remember my life without Tanya so I don't know if it was any different. My family is incredibly close due to Tanya's presence. I hear my friends talk about fights they have with their siblings and it's impossible for me to fathom not getting along with your siblings, because I always had to. Tanya has always been an incredible unifying factor for my family and of course I don't resent her disability in anyway.
But I have gotten questioned by my friends multiple times asking me just that: if I wished that Tanya was typical or if I wish she wasn't there at all. How am I supposed to answer this? She is my sister and I love her for who she is. Do I wish for her that she had the same opportunities? Of course I do. But never have I wished for my own personal sake that she was typical.
I think it is hard for people who don't have a loved one with a mental disability to understand what it's like. Sure every summer of my middle and high school career was spent at home, instead of at camps like my friends went to, because I had to stay home with Tanya. And of course there are many things she cannot do for herself and she needs my help a lot. Do I resent her for this? Of course I don't. I've been doing it my whole life and I've never complained once.
Is it ignorance that causes people to ask me questions like this? I don't know, but I do know questions like that boggle my mind. Would you ever ask a person with typical siblings if they wished one of them was gone? I don't think so. And Tanya is no different. She is my sister, not some burden I want to get rid of.
Wow, this really hit deep. Honestly, I could not imagine having a sibling with a disability, but that's because I have never had to experience it. I commend you for how you view your sister: you love her because she's your sister, and that's all that matters!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. the ignorance some people have is amazing, how could they think that that is okay to say. Family is family and that's all there is to it.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that people actually ask questions like that. I mean sure if you could make her better for her sake everyone would want to cure Down Syndrome, but she's still a person and you love her for who she is, regardless of mental disabilities. I think it is ignorance, people just don't seem to understand, or they can't wrap their mind around the concept. It's a terrible thing to be that close minded, but unfortunately it's reality. Be glad you don't fight with your younger sister, though!
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